then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just pee around me
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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