Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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