Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
