I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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