My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
