My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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