My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
