when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
