I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
