we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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