cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
