why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
