I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
