"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize