i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
