I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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