It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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