O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I had to cum in my sink.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
