I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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