Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
