for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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