Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
