Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
