she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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