It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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