Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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