I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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