Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
