Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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