you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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