Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
