My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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