So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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