Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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