Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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