My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have fence marks all over my body
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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