its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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