the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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