So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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