I want to have your abortion
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
