this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
