I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
