Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
