I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
