we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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