Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
