I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
