ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
