I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
