I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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