I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
