Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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