Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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