I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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