You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize