STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
