Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
