Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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