oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
