im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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