I would go down on you faster than GM stock
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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