I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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