i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
