Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
