no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize