i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
