So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
