I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
