she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
