how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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