Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
