You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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