You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
