I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize